Why I haven't blogged lately. . .

My dad had a bad fall down the stairs just before Thanksgiving. He then went through two surgeries, totaling almost 20 hours, to try to repair the broken vertebrae(s) in his neck. He was in the ICU for a several weeks. We went out to CA to see him a week before Christmas and although it was very difficult seeing him like that, I am very thankful that we had that time with him. He began to gain more alertness each day we went to see him, he even smiled when I showed him Bella's picture and laughed at one of David's jokes, which gave us hope for his recovery. On Christmas eve, his blood pressure was very low. He developed an infection in his blood and went to be with the Lord on Saturday, Dec. 27th.

David and Bella stayed home while I went to CA for my dad's funeral. It was a good decision, for it gave me time to grieve without worrying and also allowed me to be with my mom and sisters. While it was a very difficult thing to go through, it was also a time of grieving and healing. My first night there in CA when I was in my parents' bathroom brushing my teeth, I opened one of my dad's drawers to see his black comb with his gray hairs still in it, then everywhere I looked around the house there were big and little things that were his, from his issues of Popular Mechanics magazine to his "Pick Sticks", his bird feeders in the yard, his #1 Dad mug on the water cooler in the garage...I cried, then laughed about his makeshift paintbrush attached to a broomstick for hard to reach paint jobs, then cried some more. I'm glad I had the last few years to really experience a good father-daughter relationship with him and I will forever cherish my memories of him walking me down the aisle on our wedding day, him going with us to one of my ultrasounds while I was still pregnant, him holding Isabella and seeing his tears just after she was born, our hour long phone conversations about the birds in his yard, the weather, and his health, him waving goodbye and smiling to David, Bella and I from the driveway the last time we saw him before he fell down...

It was a beautiful funeral service. My nieces and nephews did a great job with the readings, carrying up various mementos of Dad, and sharing stories of him. He was a volunteer firefighter for 20 years, so there was a small fire truck outside the church during the whole service, which then followed behind the hearse with it's lights on all the way to the cemetery. As we drove behind the firetruck I told my mom and sister that my dad had driven firetrucks many times before up and down Redhill Avenue, the street we were on. He also used to tell us stories of when he drove a tractor up that street when it was all still farmland. After the burial service at the cemetery, the firetruck turned on it's sirens as it drove past my dad's grave site. We all said that my dad is up in Heaven smiling down saying, "Well Done!" All of the grandchildren and daughters also got to hold white doves and release them at the grave, as a symbol of my dad's love of birds and a way of "letting go". It was so amazing to see how many people were there for us that day, my dad would have been so happy. The police had to call an extra motorcycle cop for the escort, there were over 60 cars for the procession. My dad was well-loved and he would have done anything for anyone.

This has been a very difficult time in my life, something I hoped I wouldn't have to face for many more years. I am so blessed to have a wonderful, God-loving, supportive husband to help carry me through this. Even though it's been a few weeks now, I am still feeling emotionally drained and exhausted at the end of each day and fulfilling all of my household tasks has been much harder since my mind is in a million places at once. David has been so wonderful in helping me with Bella and being happy to eat fast food for dinner more often than normally. I guess that's why they call it a grieving process, it doesn't just happen one day and you're better the next. It's something you really go through and process, with the grace of God.

Thank you everyone, for your thoughts, prayers, cards, for coming to support us all at the funeral, and for everything else you've done for us during this time. Right now, we are comforted knowing that my dad is free of pain and dancing around in heaven.